Can we be friends? I think that maybe we can.

Sure, we’re very different people and I don’t always understand what exactly happens inside of your strangely shaped head, but that’s no reason for us to not have cucumber and hummus sandwiches on wheat bread together at a small, locally owned coffee shop in a large city.

We can possibly walk together down a quiet side street and we probably won’t have awkward silences, because we are friends and it is understood.

You can show me your quartz collection and I won’t act interested if I’m not. When I say, this is boring, your feelings won’t be hurt because we are friends.

I will come and help you change your tire when it goes flat after you run over a porcupine and you will come to help me when my computer melts because I downloaded too many full-length soft-core porn movies. We will do these things for each other, because we are friends, and that’s what friends do.

We won’t have to call each other to hang out, we’ll just run into each other randomly and we’ll pick up where we left off and maybe make plans to play miniature golf.

We won’t say mean things about each other when other people are around, because we’re friends and friends shouldn’t say mean things about their friends.

I will forget your birthday, and you’ll remember mine, and I’ll be upset with myself for 10 or 15 minutes, but you will tell me not to worry, that I can buy you a beer and it’s not a big deal because we’re friends and these things aren’t of much consequence in the long run.

You’ll move to another country, but we’ll keep in touch by email. You’ll write me long emails about how it feels to be alone in a new place and I will understand how it feels.

We’ll both have gmail chat, but we won’t talk through it because it’s too personal and we are in different places, living our own lives and speaking in real time is just too stressful sometimes. We will accept this idea because we are friends and friends understand this type of thing.